I was on a medical treatment in Ukraine. I was in a wheelchair. My doctor was a middle-aged woman. On one particular occasion she advised me to maintain an active sexual life. She told me to frequently go out for movies with girls, build the communication with them and to not slow down my intimate life. That being said, she also mentioned physical and psychological importance and benefits of an active sex life. Deep inside, I was jokingly thinking about this woman’s cinema adventures back in the years.
I have never heard anything similar from Azerbaijani doctors. While being in the rehabilitation centers back home, physicians never asked about my intimate life. They weren’t even interested in my not entirely functioning legs either. However, doctors starting from neighboring Iran up to civilized societies keep bringing up the importance of an active sexual and intimate life for the rehabilitation of dead nerves when treating physically disabled people. They warn patients, give them advice.
In our case, from doctors to ordinary people, everyone has skeptical, at times cynical views on disabled people’s love life, sexual relationships and even wish to build a family.
My girlfriend’s mother separated us right after the accident, as if I wasn’t able to have children in the future. It is not surprising, as even a number of intelligent people think that disabilities somehow limit sexual abilities. Whereas, it is far from truth, in most of the cases, disability has no influence on sexual activities.
Although, the majority in Azerbaijan believes in the contrary to be true, they warn people who fall in love with and want to marry disabled people saying “you would never have children.”
There was a man, who was in a wheelchair as a result of a horrible accident, and his wife left him immediately in a few days’ time. She didn’t wait for his recovery and said:
“I need a healthy man. I want to live my sex life to the fullest.”
Narrow minded society doesn’t even consider the possibility of disabled people being able to have a sex life and does not recognize their right for it.
In civilized countries, disabled people who are not able to find lovers or sex partners go for an option of sexual surrogates. It has nothing to do with prostitution. Those engaged in these activities are healthy people who enjoy their selfless profession.
I know a very selfless girl. Three days prior to their wedding day, her fiancé got into a serious accident. The guy was bedridden for the rest of his life. The girl did not listen to anyone and married him right in the hospital. With her love, dedication and constant motivation he is now able to walk with a stick. The guy says that he will soon stop using the stick as well. He will tell their future child that the reason he is able to stand tall on his own feet is his wife and her efforts.
I know another guy who is in a wheelchair. He wants to marry the girl he loves. Although, she could somehow convince her family, her relatives and acquaintances try to influence her decision and make her leave him. One of her relatives named Hajikhanum is a teacher by profession. She keeps telling “why would you marry a disabled guy and condemn yourself to unhappiness?!” A lot of people tell her they will not be able to have children.
There is another handicapped acquaintance of mine who wanted to marry the girl he loved. Her mother was opposed to the idea. Nevertheless, they secretly got married. However, the woman still did not give up. She went to the guy’s house and started accusing her own daughter in unbelievable things in order to spoil her relationship with her in-laws. She later went to the police, but they did not interfere as the marriage was legal. Whatever she did to her daughter later worked as they finally separated.
According to statistics, there are more than 500,000 people in Azerbaijan suffering from infertility. More than 70% are men. Obviously, it is a very sad fact, but what is worse is that majority in the society is infertile in their minds.
We need a Viagra effect to take the majority’s mind-set to the next level. However, ignorance stands on the Viagra Effect’s way. Just like sexual activeness is needed to avoid stagnation in intimate life, reading books and enlightenment is needed to cure stagnation of minds.
Love knows no obstacles. Do not hesitate to marry a mentally healthy, but physically disabled person. Your love and dedication can do miracles, and even if that person does not get better physically, you will bring someone back to life and make them very happy. Before you label a disabled person with an infertility stigma, please do some research online or read books to see how far away from truth you are. Never forget that at any giving moment you can trade places with that disabled person you are mocking.