A Love Letter

I have decided to write love confession letters for 100 AZN.

In reality, popular singer Nadir Gafarzade was the one who brought the situation to light. A great deal was written about this story. For those who are not aware, a host of a television programme had asked Nadir Gafarzade whether he reads books. Nadir Gafarzade had responded with a question of his own: “Why would I need to read a book? Let’s go and see a book-reader’s fridge and my fridge.” Nadir Gafarzade offended the nation with these words, yet the nation swallowed the offence. The nation did not comprehend what Nadir said. The nation did not put on its thinking cap to take a look at the reasons behind Nadir’s words. At least one little man with a progressive mind had to take offence. Now, who stands behind Nadir making him so confident in this harangue? The nation, of course. The nation that invites that Nadir to the weddings for a price, and takes photos with him. They even address him as “Mr. Nadir” (Nadir müəllim), cherish and look after him. It is true that sometimes they beat him, but more often they cherish him.

Almost everyone in this country has a master, someone who stands behind them, except a book person. If I were an average singer, chef, wrestling champion or a mullah in some village, I would probably have a better life. I mused this idea whilst hand-washing my laundry. I should note that hand-washing the laundry is not that difficult. Women had been falsely intimidating us. They had been deceiving us. I personally believed in this myth for many years. It so happens that I started washing my clothes myself and realised that it is not that difficult. There was absolutely no need to ask for favors for something like this. It is actually quite entertaining. It helps to lose stress and think. This part is clear. Yet, a question remains before me: Why should I wash clothes at all? After all there is a person who can wash my clothes, only the question is who will write my articles. Will they be able to write them? If they can do it, then I can wash the clothes. I will wash them for the sake of liberty, equality and fraternity. I have to wash my clothes because things demanded from a manager, or a car trader, are also demanded from me. I feel like a stranger to this society. I feel small in front of the problems easily solved by others. They solve problems by finding the contacts and people to bribe whereas I cannot even give a bribe. I do not have contacts to do the job. Every mother and every human being is in pursuit of happiness, whereas I do not show any sign of happiness. A few buyers are interested in my marketed product. Most of those buyers make comments about the product as soon as they taste it. These comments are mostly negative in nature.

It is hard to provide for life’s necessities. Most people would not want to pay the cost of a daily pot of tea for a book once a year. They provide a number of arguments to explain it. However, if they were sincere they would openly say in one phrase that they do not want to spend money on books. They do not buy books, and as a consequence we cannot live. There is not an established network for selling books.

I carry books to the stores in my arms. Well then, I should both write and cultivate readers as well as carry books to the stores in my arms and equally prevent attempts to stain my reputation because many people are ready to slander each other. No matter how big your ideas and dreams are, life places its everyday demands in front of you and does not leave you a choice. Electricity bills, gas bills, water bills… Daily expenses. Living this life is the biggest miracle of all. Firewalking, or fire breathing are easy tasks because practice makes perfect, whereas, you would not be able to access metro without a card. You have to pay for food supplies. If I had known this upfront, I would have picked another profession. Some people warned me but I did not listen. Whilst at university, I had worked as a seller at a flea market. There I met a man, who also was a seller. One day he asked me, “What is the point of getting a degree?” I said, “I will have a diploma.” He replied, “Sooner or later you will be back at the flea market selling bras (excuse me). You do not need to study.” We hear all the important words at the right time, but we do not realise their true meaning until much later in life. In short, it is hard to live this life. Physically I am not strong enough to carry stones at a quarry. I have to both write and provide for myself. Thus, I have decided to write love letters for money. For those who will curl their lips with scorn over this decision, even Balzac wrote love letters for money. Hence, I do not see any problem in this decision. I have even set a price. I have decided to write love confession letters for 100 AZN. The price might change depending on the age of the individual. This is because a love confession of an elderly person to a young person or a love confession of a young person to an elderly person would be more difficult than, for instance, a love confession of a thirty-year-old to a thirty-two-year-old. I am planning to write separation letters for 150 AZN. The separation reasons will have to be thoroughly grounded and I will have to recall a vast number of literary works. Students will be given a discount. The letters can be ordered both in paper and electronic format. Suicide letters filled with love will be written for 500 AZN. The client’s class, profession, marital status and age will be taken into account in setting a price of a suicide letter. For the children from poor families and students, suicide letters will be written at a most suitable price. Customers’ very young age will definitely lower the cost of suicide letters.

Ana səhifəOp-edA Love Letter